i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize