Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
