the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
