yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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