Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
