Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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