Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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