when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Randomize
