what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
