Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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