4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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