no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize