Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
