absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
