That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
