when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize