I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
