i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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