...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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