I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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