So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Someone shit on the floor
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
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