she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
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you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
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Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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