His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
