So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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