It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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