Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
