i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Randomize
