My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
