ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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