Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
