I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
