I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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