Got a toothbrush?
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
