i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
