i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I wear drunk well.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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