started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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