and you said cock pushups were impossible
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
