Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
