dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
