when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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