No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
