She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
