I must be too annoying 4 u.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
