mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm at about main and main street
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
