WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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