so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
