VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
