dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
