Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
