we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
