Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
