he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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