we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
