You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
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yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
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He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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