i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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