If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
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I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
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in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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