he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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