New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
