worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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