Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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