DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
