Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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