Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
