Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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