We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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