ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
