Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
