it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
